if only LOVE was so true and real. "我愛你"
the first time i watched this, i cried so much till my eyes swelled. its true. im not exaggerating. i can still remember, the first time i came across this mv was that very time, one of the hardest period in my entire life. almost everything and anything came tumbling down on me. and this mv somehow just attracted me. at that point of time, i thought, perhaps, my life might be somewhat similar to the mv's.
i was just too silly and naive, perhaps, a little too much.
i dreamt of him last night again. yes. im referring to, ruisheng.
(if you are not really interested in my personal relationship, you can consider clicking on the X at the top right hand corner now)
its another dream whereby everything felt so real, the words we said, our feelings and expressions, everything seemed so real. and once again, i thought, at last, what ive always wished for had come true. but. its another... DREAM.
when i woke up and realise that everything was a dream, tears started flowing down. if you are someone who have known me for a long time, you will definitely find me very foolish and silly. yarhs. i know. even me, myself find myself FOOLISH AND SILLY! it has been 2years, going to 3. and yet, i still cant move on.
perhaps, to the people around me. it seemed as if i have forgotten everything and moved on in life. but, the truth is, I CANT, AND HAVE NOT.
i also dont know why. perhaps, im that kinda of person who 一辈子, 只會喜歡一个人 ba. urms. okay, you can puke for all you want. but, the truth is, I HAVENT MET A GUY WHO CAN TRULY IMPRESS ME AND MAKE ME 心动. but, of course la, i know what kind of girl i am, NEITHER PRETTY NOR HAS CHARACTER.
honestly, im already very grateful to GOD for letting me meet ruisheng. many nice people, in their entire life, they dont even get the chance to enter a relationship. or, there are others, who may have many relationships, but none of them is real, or turned out well. so, if i were to compare myself with others, IM ALREADY A LUCKY GIRL! i know how to count my blessings and thus, i feel very contended already. heee.
i admit, im still waiting. for what, i also dont know. ruisheng already has a girlfriend, but here i am, still holding on those meaningless past. im just so useless! but. there are things in life which are beyond control. perhaps, to me, its this. afterall, 1year10months de memories,不是说忘记就能忘记的. till now, i still cant bear to delete our past smses and stuffs, i also dont know why do i still want to keep them for.
sometimes, i just hope that i will just bump into him on the street. many a time, i will even take a longer bus journey home from jvs area hoping to see him near his granny's house. im so useless! even when the train stops at dover, i will try to look out to see if i might see him. oh my god, what in the world am i doing... but, honestly, i really hope to meet him one day, i really do.
perhaps, both of us may really meet. by then, maybe both of us have already grown up and may just say 'hi' then. like any other friends. as if nothing ever happened between us before. perhaps, perhaps, perhaps, our story will just end that way.
if given a chance, i really wish to know "what was he thinking of that time?"